"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
