He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
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the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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