as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
