Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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