Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
