Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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