Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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