I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
