Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
