it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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