it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
