ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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