you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
