I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
