im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
