I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize