Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
