i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
handjob tips. give me some.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
