Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
