OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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