just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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