if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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