Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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