i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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