Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
