You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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