I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
