My liver just broke up with me...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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