I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
