The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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