New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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