i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
