I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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