you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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