Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
