One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
