When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
