i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize