I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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