I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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