margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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