Girls should come with a carfax report
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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