I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
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When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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