Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
