I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
