You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize