this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
