I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
