spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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