I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
