Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
