someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
