Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize