I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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