The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
