with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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