I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
