Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
