I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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