Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you never un-have a 4some
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
