Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize