I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
