She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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