Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize