apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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