I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
