I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
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'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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