soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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